Wednesday, June 29, 2011

chance

After college, my first job was a social worker at a foster care agency.  My job was to help teenagers transition out of foster care into independent living.  I worked closely with the kids in foster care and the foster families.  One of the foster families that I worked with have a son, named Chance.  This mom was very upfront that it took her and her husband 13 years to conceive her son, due to unexplained infertility.  During the time working at this agency, I married my husband.  The foster mom's response was that I should immediately start trying to conceive, because she said that it may take a while. At the time, I thought she was jumping the gun.....maybe she is wiser than her years!

Back to Chance, this little boy was a real handful.  His mom would always apologize and explain that he is spoiled because they tried so hard to get him.  This leads me to my next topic of :  Is parenting of a child after infertility different than of parents with no difficulties in conception? 

The reason I thought to write this is because I always feel the need to defend my parenting.  My son is almost 3 and still sleeps with my husband and I.  He has very bad separation anxiety, as do my husband and I of him.  All of us hate to be away from each other!

I nursed him until around 14 months, but quit due to the pediatrician recommending it (she is not big on breastfeeding and did not breastfeed her own kids). So my husband I have agreed, if/when we can have another kid, I will breastfeed until I want to quit , which will probably well into the toddler years.  We have not cut his hair, which really seems to bother everyone.   Also, we are not picky with his food, if he wants to eat yogurt for dinner, we let him.  I just feel that these years are sacred.  But don't think that he doesn't get disciplined, because he does.  My life motto has always been " Don't sweat the small stuff."

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

6/28/11 dr appt

Today was my ultrasound appointment to see if the golf ball size cyst was gone.  I had some small cysts but the mammoth cyst was nowhere in sight!  Whoop, whoop we are good to start our second IUI cycle.  This is last treatment option before being referred back to the male infertility guy.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Blog to follow

Hello everyone!
First of all, if you read my blog, a million thank-yous. Secondly, if you have a blog that I do not follow, please leave the name of it so I can : ) I love blogs, and I found a great one to vent.  I tried to do the same concept on  my blog, but I think my followers are shy, which is fine.  The name of the blog is STFU Fertiles, and it is pretty funny.  The whole blog is leaving comments about what fertile people have said that has upset you.  It is really organized, and I like it! Also, if there is a blog that you love to follow, please feel free to share with me!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

My drum

I had a really GOOD weekend.  One of my good friends got married, so I was able to party it up with a lot of old friends.  What I love about my friends are that they ground me.  My husband is about 6 years older than me, and I feel like "his" crowd are more ultraconservative. They tend to make me feel self conscious and inadequate about myself.  What I have came to the realization about is that I have always thought outside the box and "marched to the beat of my own drum", why should creating a family be in that box?

I even spent some time with my in-laws, and they did drive me insane, BUT it was only 2 hours.

I just feel more positive. TMI: started bleeding today, so I should have a dr. appointment this week to see if the cyst has went away.  I have my game face on!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Summa time

Well, sorry not a whole lot has been going on with the fertility stuff this month, actually nothing has been going on.  I have spotted the whole month thanks to the birth control pills.  I have been staying busy with my little man though.  This is his last week of toddler soccer, he has vacation bible school, and we have had some church stuff. Also, we have still been doing repairs to our basement that flooded a couple weeks ago.  Happy update: my dog Spike is back to his old self since it has been warm : )  I must confess, I have mixed feelings about my next month's IUI.  I want another kid, but I am tired of trying to get pregnant.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

game plan

Ok, so I am kinda feeling like myself since starting BCP.  I don't feel so moody like I did while taking the fertility drugs.  I had a dream a couple nights ago that my husband and I were in court fighting with a bio mom to win custody of her child that were fostering.  In my dream I was desperate, and I told my attorney that I would fight forever to get my child back.  Needless to say, in my dream I felt the same sense of grief and loneliness that I did after my miscarriages.  I don't think we are strong enough to be foster parents right now.


Next realization, yesterday, I recieved an email from an adoption agency about a new country for adoption.  I mentioned it to the hubs and he thought it sounded cool.  So I clicked on the fees tab, $29,000 without the cost of airfare and hotel fees.  Ouch.  Would LOVE to adopt,but unfortunately that is not realistic right now.  However, if any of you would happen to come across a large sum of money, keep me in mind! 

Lastly, we are planning to try IUI one last time.  I hate the feeling that I already think it will not work.  So, if it doesn't work what will we do?  Well I think my husband is going to get varicocele surgery and then we will have to wait like 3-6 months to  see any results.  I think that is our next option.  And after the surgery we can try with something like Femara for a few months and then reevaluate our options.  I think we have agreed that we will do IVF if all else fails.  I really think we will have another child but I think it is going to test every bit of patience I have ever had!