Not in the cards

Well I took a home pregnancy test this morning and a BFN : (  I still am shocked that I had five huge follicles and not one of them took!  I am not going to lie, I was really scared about the chance of high order multiples, due to my incompetent cervix.  I am really hoping that this is all for a good reason and God has something great in store for us.

freaking out

So a couple nights ago,  I woke up to let my dogs out at around 3 in the morning, and I started to think "what if all 5 eggs fertilized?".  I started to freak out and laid awake for about an hour thinking about the possibilities.  Keep in mind the Hubs had this freak out last week and I totally laughed it off.  Keep in mind, with my son's pregnancy I started to funnel (internally dilate) at 19 weeks and was on bed-rest until 36 weeks.  After my son's birth I traveled about 5 hours to undergo a procedure called a trans-abdominal cerclage. It is kinda like really strong fishing line that is at the bottom of my uterus to take pressure off my cervix.  There are girls on my cervix insufficiency support group who have carried twins to term, but not triplets or more. So which brings me to the topic of selective reduction.....

I feel like we have already been through hell with years of trying to conceive and then having 3 miscarriages once we did.  I feel like God should throw me a bone.  Maybe I was just selfish undergoing the IUI and should have just enjoyed my son. Who knows.  First pregnancy test on Friday and follow-up Monday, so which me luck! Also, my day 21 progesterone test was 53, whatever that means!

the Hubs

Yesterday, the Hubs call me from work and tells me that he left a message with the urologist (specializing in male infertility) to get the varicocele surgery scheduled. (The varicocele surgery is our backup plan if our IUIs fail.)   Then, when he gets home he explains that he started to freak out at work wondering what would happen if all 5 eggs fertilize.  He asked me about 3 times yesterday if I thought "it worked".  Poor Hubs.... he is expressing more anxiety this go-round.  I have my backup plan, and I feel it has allowed me to disconnect somewhat.  I can never tell the pregnancy symptoms vs. pms symptoms, especially with the HCG shot.  I have to let myself not analyze it, even a home pregnancy test is not reliable once you have had the HCG shot.  Only time will tell, I think this TWW is going to be as tough/more tough on the Hubs!

Side note: Had first progesterone shot in hip last night, and it left a bruise!

IUI #2

Yesterday I had my follicle check, and I had 5 mature follicles, which is 1 more than the doc wants you to have.  The nurse had to call him to get permission and we had the "risks of multiples" conversation.

I had my first acupuncture done before my IUI today.  It is supposed to help with "activating" all my organs to help conceive.  The main thing is that it helped calm my anxiety. I tend to have very irritable bowels...

The main thing that concerns me is that it seemed like it hurt more this time to insert the catheter.  The IUI was exactly 24 hours after the HCG shot.  The nurse is not the most gentle of people, so maybe that is the reason. I just hope it was timed correctly. The hub's SA numbers were really good this time post wash, his motility was 90 percent.  That is the best it has ever been! It really amazes me how much spinning the sperm helps. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!

follicle check tomorrow

Tomorrow is my follicle check.  Our IUI is scheduled for Thursday.  I decided to go get acupuncture done while my husband is leaving his "sample" on Thursday.  It is weird b/c last IUI cycle I spotted, and this one I have not spotted at all!  My husband is a complete pro when it comes to mixing and giving me my shots of Bravelle.