Big week

On Saturday my son had his 3rd birthday party, which was a great time. He had a lot of fun playing with his little friends. I can't believe he is 3 already!

On Monday we had our homevisit for our licensing.  The caseworker stayed about an hour, mostly just chatting. She said that we should have our license by the beginning of November! She is going to license us for 2, and later she can change it to more if we want.  She thought that starting off we might feel overwhelmed to get a sibling group of 3 at the beginning.  We are fine with that.  We basically said that our son's safety is our number one priority.  We have a couple more things to do, but nothing too big.

Also, We got a PUPPY! Yes, this makes dog number 3 for my house, but he is pretty cute.  This is the first puppy I have ever had, I have always gotten my dogs from the Humane Society and they have been grown. He doesn't have a name yet, but we are working on it.

 

Yeah, he's pretty cute!

october

October is going to be a busy one!  I turned in our last packet of paperwork so now I am just waiting to schedule our home visit with the caseworker.  Also, even bigger news.... I bought a MINIVAN!!!!! Yep, it's pretty cool, and I could easily fit more children : )  I painted my kitchen chairs this weekend, with the help of my 16 year old niece and my 2 year old.  My lil' man is about to turn 3, so we have been planning his party.

Yesterday I talked with a couple who adopted their son from foster care 18 years ago!  It has been really great with the amount of support we have received! It is such a different vibe than with fertility treatments.  Every one seems very comfortable asking about the process and offering support.  People at church knew about our fertility treatments, however no one ever asked about them.  It's kinda odd.

It has been awesome how I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders with stopping all IF treatments and moving on.  I was watching the show Teen Mom (don't judge), and the therapist Dr. Drew was telling one of the mom's  that you have to let go of the fairy tale dreams that you had a child and move on to what is reality.  I did not plan to have recurrent miscarriages, but I do have my son, which is still an absolute miracle.  I am really optimistic about all this.

Also, I just want to say that some of my posts seem negative, but I am in complete vent mode when I write them.  I am a really laid back person in real life, and would never say the things I say in my blog.....

whoop whoop

Just turned in my second packet of foster care paperwork.  What's next you ask?  2 home visits and then we are licensed!!! 


The hubs and I are going to move our bedroom downstairs to free up a bedroom.  For those of you who are already licensed... Should I make the second bedroom for a girl, so we have one bedroom for a boy and one for a girl?

Also, I went to a baby shower over the weekend.  I didn't hold the baby, but I felt ok throughout the whole thing.  I am proud of myself, b/c I have not been to one in about 3 years!

last resort

Ok so one of our family members have recently had a failed IVF attempt.  I was told that they are still not considering adoption and think it is an "absolute last resort" .  I will say that this was disturbing to say the least.  I hate that.  I will say, I have always known I was going to adopt.  I started babysitting in fifth grade, been a nanny to six kids, worked in daycares, and have been a social worker for about six years.  The problem with infertility is that is becomes an obsession.  Once you start treatment, it is hard to quit.  Let me say for the record, I want to have a house full of kids, not just a house of mini-me's.  My husband and I had started filling out paperwork for adoption when I found out I was pregnant with my son. Maybe I don't understand..... but I think kids are kids.  Yes, it is cool that my son looks like a cross between my brother and the hubs, but is that why I love him so much? Probably not.  I  just think that the idea of any kid playing second fiddle is unfair.  I have always thought that we would be LUCKY to adopt a child, not the child to be lucky that we graced them with an adoption. I hope I don't offend anyone.  I just don't want to stay in infertile hell, if my goal is to just love and raise a child, nor do I want to see family members so depressed I barely see them once a year. To each their own....I know that, unfortunately there is no easy road. 

Hub's surgery

So the hub's had his varicosiele surgery yesterday.  The surgery lasted an hour, and  is now recovering at home.  The urologist said that he had five varicose veins which is "above average" , he said that most of the men he sees only has about three. He said that this should not only help with the pain and discomfort but with fertility as well.  My husband is an ultra-marathon  runner and it can become painful.  The hubs has to take a week off work and has to completely stay off his feet.  This is going to be the toughest thing because he is not one to sit around the house! 

busy busy.....

So this was my third week back to work.  I love my job, I do.  I am currently at two schools, I will be there for about 3 more weeks until I switch to another two schools.  At my afternoon school, the kids were waiting during their recess time to watch me pull into the parking lot. Then they were screaming my name when I got out of the car.  They honestly look forward to seeing me,and I the same of them. This group of kids have either emotional and/or educational issues, and they are the most down to earth kids I have ever worked with!  It is great to know that if you HAVE to work, that at least you love your job. 

The soccer directer called this week, and needs more toddler soccer coaches.  When I signed my son up in the fall we were about to do IUI, so I thought I might be pregnant, so I did not volunteer to coach.  However, since I am not pregnant, I decided I would coach again. 

We have our CPR/First Aid training for our foster care license tomorrow that will last all day.  Tonight, my best friend and I are treating ourselves to the movies, which rarely happens!  And finally, on Thursday my husband is scheduled for his varicoseile surgury.  The hubs said that he could just get his dad to take him so I did not have to use one of my days off to go with him, but I would be a nervous wreck at work. 

Also, I have been contemplating finding another OB/Gyn closer to home.  Our RE is 2 hours away and I don't want anymore fertility procedures. I just feel like my current OB/Gyn has some bad juju since I have had so many miscarriages there.  Also, if I am not pregnant, I just don't want to go back in there.  I would just like to find someone for my regular women needs like pap smears, someone to prescribe my Metformin, and just regular stuff. 


It is a busy but exciting time.!!!!!

Dear ......

Dear Infertility Monster,
 I understand that we have been involved with each other for about 4 years now.  It has definitely been a rocky road full of monthly disappointments.  I feel hurt by your negative impact on my friends and family both by our relationship and their personal life as well. You have caused too many heartbreaks and tears. I would like to make our break-up official, and end our toxic relationship.  I am no longer part of your Infertility World, as I am moving on.  I am exploring other options at this time. I would like to say that I am stronger than ever and despite our long-term relationship I would like to completely sever all contact. I am washing my hands of you.  I will leave your belongings ie: hpts, Basel thermometer, and temp chart in a box outside.
 Sincerely,
Stacy

happy ending

Well, we have another foster parent training tomorrow morning.  It is our 3rd, we completed the second one online. 

Also this week, my husband scheduled his variociele surgery, so now we just have to see if our insurance approves it so we can proceed with the surgery. Remember, this surgery CAN/MIGHT improve the quality of my husband's sperm.  It has about a 60 percent success of working.  However, he will not be able to do it unless our insurance covers it. This is our LAST try with any kind of procedures for conception.  My reasoning for this is that we have son with no artificial means, so it can happen.

I hope that we do have a happy ending.  Whether  it be another biological child, an adopted child, or a sibling group..... I am not saying that no more kids will be an unhappy ending, but  I think I will feel incomplete, if that makes sense.

What I have been up to....

The Hubs and I have started foster parenting training.  We completed a ton of paperwork, got our fingerprints done.  I am awaiting my second big packet of paperwork.  Hopefully in the next month or two we will be certified and get a kid/many kids.  I am keeping an open mind and I know that this will be difficult, especially if/when the kid/s go home. However, the state we live in does 50 thousand to 100 thousand foster care adoptions a year and I am hopeful that we can be part of those numbers!  It really feels like the right thing to do, it is hard to explain.

Not in the cards

Well I took a home pregnancy test this morning and a BFN : (  I still am shocked that I had five huge follicles and not one of them took!  I am not going to lie, I was really scared about the chance of high order multiples, due to my incompetent cervix.  I am really hoping that this is all for a good reason and God has something great in store for us.

freaking out

So a couple nights ago,  I woke up to let my dogs out at around 3 in the morning, and I started to think "what if all 5 eggs fertilized?".  I started to freak out and laid awake for about an hour thinking about the possibilities.  Keep in mind the Hubs had this freak out last week and I totally laughed it off.  Keep in mind, with my son's pregnancy I started to funnel (internally dilate) at 19 weeks and was on bed-rest until 36 weeks.  After my son's birth I traveled about 5 hours to undergo a procedure called a trans-abdominal cerclage. It is kinda like really strong fishing line that is at the bottom of my uterus to take pressure off my cervix.  There are girls on my cervix insufficiency support group who have carried twins to term, but not triplets or more. So which brings me to the topic of selective reduction.....

I feel like we have already been through hell with years of trying to conceive and then having 3 miscarriages once we did.  I feel like God should throw me a bone.  Maybe I was just selfish undergoing the IUI and should have just enjoyed my son. Who knows.  First pregnancy test on Friday and follow-up Monday, so which me luck! Also, my day 21 progesterone test was 53, whatever that means!

the Hubs

Yesterday, the Hubs call me from work and tells me that he left a message with the urologist (specializing in male infertility) to get the varicocele surgery scheduled. (The varicocele surgery is our backup plan if our IUIs fail.)   Then, when he gets home he explains that he started to freak out at work wondering what would happen if all 5 eggs fertilize.  He asked me about 3 times yesterday if I thought "it worked".  Poor Hubs.... he is expressing more anxiety this go-round.  I have my backup plan, and I feel it has allowed me to disconnect somewhat.  I can never tell the pregnancy symptoms vs. pms symptoms, especially with the HCG shot.  I have to let myself not analyze it, even a home pregnancy test is not reliable once you have had the HCG shot.  Only time will tell, I think this TWW is going to be as tough/more tough on the Hubs!

Side note: Had first progesterone shot in hip last night, and it left a bruise!

IUI #2

Yesterday I had my follicle check, and I had 5 mature follicles, which is 1 more than the doc wants you to have.  The nurse had to call him to get permission and we had the "risks of multiples" conversation.

I had my first acupuncture done before my IUI today.  It is supposed to help with "activating" all my organs to help conceive.  The main thing is that it helped calm my anxiety. I tend to have very irritable bowels...

The main thing that concerns me is that it seemed like it hurt more this time to insert the catheter.  The IUI was exactly 24 hours after the HCG shot.  The nurse is not the most gentle of people, so maybe that is the reason. I just hope it was timed correctly. The hub's SA numbers were really good this time post wash, his motility was 90 percent.  That is the best it has ever been! It really amazes me how much spinning the sperm helps. Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!!

follicle check tomorrow

Tomorrow is my follicle check.  Our IUI is scheduled for Thursday.  I decided to go get acupuncture done while my husband is leaving his "sample" on Thursday.  It is weird b/c last IUI cycle I spotted, and this one I have not spotted at all!  My husband is a complete pro when it comes to mixing and giving me my shots of Bravelle.  

chance

After college, my first job was a social worker at a foster care agency.  My job was to help teenagers transition out of foster care into independent living.  I worked closely with the kids in foster care and the foster families.  One of the foster families that I worked with have a son, named Chance.  This mom was very upfront that it took her and her husband 13 years to conceive her son, due to unexplained infertility.  During the time working at this agency, I married my husband.  The foster mom's response was that I should immediately start trying to conceive, because she said that it may take a while. At the time, I thought she was jumping the gun.....maybe she is wiser than her years!

Back to Chance, this little boy was a real handful.  His mom would always apologize and explain that he is spoiled because they tried so hard to get him.  This leads me to my next topic of :  Is parenting of a child after infertility different than of parents with no difficulties in conception? 

The reason I thought to write this is because I always feel the need to defend my parenting.  My son is almost 3 and still sleeps with my husband and I.  He has very bad separation anxiety, as do my husband and I of him.  All of us hate to be away from each other!

I nursed him until around 14 months, but quit due to the pediatrician recommending it (she is not big on breastfeeding and did not breastfeed her own kids). So my husband I have agreed, if/when we can have another kid, I will breastfeed until I want to quit , which will probably well into the toddler years.  We have not cut his hair, which really seems to bother everyone.   Also, we are not picky with his food, if he wants to eat yogurt for dinner, we let him.  I just feel that these years are sacred.  But don't think that he doesn't get disciplined, because he does.  My life motto has always been " Don't sweat the small stuff."

6/28/11 dr appt

Today was my ultrasound appointment to see if the golf ball size cyst was gone.  I had some small cysts but the mammoth cyst was nowhere in sight!  Whoop, whoop we are good to start our second IUI cycle.  This is last treatment option before being referred back to the male infertility guy.

Blog to follow

Hello everyone!
First of all, if you read my blog, a million thank-yous. Secondly, if you have a blog that I do not follow, please leave the name of it so I can : ) I love blogs, and I found a great one to vent.  I tried to do the same concept on  my blog, but I think my followers are shy, which is fine.  The name of the blog is STFU Fertiles, and it is pretty funny.  The whole blog is leaving comments about what fertile people have said that has upset you.  It is really organized, and I like it! Also, if there is a blog that you love to follow, please feel free to share with me!

My drum

I had a really GOOD weekend.  One of my good friends got married, so I was able to party it up with a lot of old friends.  What I love about my friends are that they ground me.  My husband is about 6 years older than me, and I feel like "his" crowd are more ultraconservative. They tend to make me feel self conscious and inadequate about myself.  What I have came to the realization about is that I have always thought outside the box and "marched to the beat of my own drum", why should creating a family be in that box?

I even spent some time with my in-laws, and they did drive me insane, BUT it was only 2 hours.

I just feel more positive. TMI: started bleeding today, so I should have a dr. appointment this week to see if the cyst has went away.  I have my game face on!

Summa time

Well, sorry not a whole lot has been going on with the fertility stuff this month, actually nothing has been going on.  I have spotted the whole month thanks to the birth control pills.  I have been staying busy with my little man though.  This is his last week of toddler soccer, he has vacation bible school, and we have had some church stuff. Also, we have still been doing repairs to our basement that flooded a couple weeks ago.  Happy update: my dog Spike is back to his old self since it has been warm : )  I must confess, I have mixed feelings about my next month's IUI.  I want another kid, but I am tired of trying to get pregnant.

game plan

Ok, so I am kinda feeling like myself since starting BCP.  I don't feel so moody like I did while taking the fertility drugs.  I had a dream a couple nights ago that my husband and I were in court fighting with a bio mom to win custody of her child that were fostering.  In my dream I was desperate, and I told my attorney that I would fight forever to get my child back.  Needless to say, in my dream I felt the same sense of grief and loneliness that I did after my miscarriages.  I don't think we are strong enough to be foster parents right now.


Next realization, yesterday, I recieved an email from an adoption agency about a new country for adoption.  I mentioned it to the hubs and he thought it sounded cool.  So I clicked on the fees tab, $29,000 without the cost of airfare and hotel fees.  Ouch.  Would LOVE to adopt,but unfortunately that is not realistic right now.  However, if any of you would happen to come across a large sum of money, keep me in mind! 

Lastly, we are planning to try IUI one last time.  I hate the feeling that I already think it will not work.  So, if it doesn't work what will we do?  Well I think my husband is going to get varicocele surgery and then we will have to wait like 3-6 months to  see any results.  I think that is our next option.  And after the surgery we can try with something like Femara for a few months and then reevaluate our options.  I think we have agreed that we will do IVF if all else fails.  I really think we will have another child but I think it is going to test every bit of patience I have ever had!

BCP : (

Well I started my period today, so I had a dr. appointment to check my ovaries to make sure that they have went back down to normal size.  Unfortunately, I have a huge cyst on my right ovary, a little bigger than a golf ball.  It was caused by the over-stimulation of my ovaries from the meds. I have to take birth control pills this month to get the cyst to shrink.  My doctor was impressed at how I reacted with the injectibles, so he wants to try IUI one more time.

So, now all I have to do is sit this month out : (  I was hoping to get through the fertility treatments this summer since I do not work, but shame on me for trying to plan something.  My plan is to enjoy my little boy and stay busy. 

Bad place

I feel like mentally I am in a bad place today. I am really feeling kinda  pissed off at the world and feeling sorry for myself.  AF should show up any day now, wahoo.

I talked with the nurse about thinking that maybe our IUI was not timed right.  We did the HCG shot on Thursday night at 9pm, and the IUI the next day and 2:30.  I have read that since our office only does one, it should be at 36 hours past HCG shot.  

Big Fat Negative

It sucks and there is not a whole lot more I can say.  2000 bucks down the drain.

the dreaded 2 week wait

DH was asking me today if I "felt pregnant".  I responded "Nope, I think pregnancy and PMS symptoms are exactly the same."  I just don't think we are lucky enough for it to work the first time.  I think it is something that will nearly drive me emotionally insane and/or financially drain us before another pregnancy will occur.   I hope I am wrong, I really do, but we have not been lucky in the baby department since I had my son.... I have not really talked about his  pregnancy, but it was not easy by any means. I was on strict bedrest for 17 weeks, 2 1/2 were in the hospital.  Thankfully I found a great doctor to put an abdominal cerclage to take care of those issues.


My second due date is approaching, and I will have no baby.   I am so grateful to have my son, more grateful than anyone will ever know.

5/12/11 dr appt

So yesterday I had my follow-up appointment for my iui, which they refer to as an "hcg check".  The lining of my uterus was 10 mm and they want it to be 8 or above, so that was great.   I had one corpus luteum  cyst on my left ovary and two on my right.  The corpus luteum cysts produce progesterone after you ovulate.  The two on my right side were huge.  The nurse said that based on my cysts she thinks I am making enough progesterone, but they did blood work to be sure. She thinks that I released at least 3 eggs from my right side and 1 on my left. My right ovary was huge, but she went ahead and gave me the second hcg booster shot.  Based on the size of my current right ovary, she said that I am going to be pretty uncomfortable this weekend.  She gave me a sheet that explains what to do about the Ovarian Hyper Stimulation.  I have to eat for egg whites a day, take 4 benadryl , lots of water, gatorade, and "take it easy"  Last night was my son's first soccer game, and I definitely ran around more than I should have since I am the coach.  I take my pregnancy test next friday,  so keep your fingers crossed!

Old dog

My old dog Spike is now on a very high dose of pain medication.  He has been urinating on himself instead of getting up to go to go to the bathroom.  He is still in a lot of pain and really doesn't move much.   I really feel bad for him.  I just want to give him some more time to hopefully get better.

Today is Mother's Day.  Happy Mothers Day to mother's everywhere.  I know it can be a tough day for those of you going through infertility hell.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers today. 

IUI today

So I had my IUI today.  The most nerve -wracking part was transporting the sperm from the hospital to the doctors office. We were really nervous that were were going to get in a car accident or drop it....   The IUI procedure was comparible to a pap smear.  DH's sperm results were pretty good, I think the vitamins have really helped out.  Now the waiting begins.... I really hope that it worked.  I do know that it might not work : (  Infertility is an emotional rollercoaster.  DH was saying that if it did work then we would have even more to worry about : MISCARRIAGE.  My next pregnancy will be my 5th.  That seems like a lot, but what can you do.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

ultrasound for iui 5/4/11

I had my ultrasound to check the progress of my eggs.  I have about 3 eggs that are maturing and about 6 or so smaller ones.  They gave me more Bravelle injections to take tonight to help the eggs get a little bigger.  My lining  was a little thin also, so they gave me a prescription for estrogen suppositories to start tonight.  DH is supposed to give me my HCG trigger shot tomorrow night (the HCG shot will make me ovulate).  Then on Friday, DH will go to a nearby hospital to release his "baby batter" .  They will do a procedure known as sperm washing, to get all the live sperm. We will take the "baby batter" with us back to my doc and they will do the insemination.  I am excited but mostly nervous.  DH thinks that his swimmers will not be good enough, but they have been good enough for me to get pregnant four times on my own without insemination. He doesn't give himself enough credit.  I think male infertility is a major blow to a man's self esteem.  Infertility has definitely effected him as much as me, but in a different way.

Our five year anniversary is coming up this summer and it makes me get teary eyed just thinking about it (ok, the fertility meds have made me a little emotional also : )  We have been through so much.  We were talking about it today and we hope the next five are a little less eventful.   

rain, injectables, more water in basement, chipped tooth, and old dog

It has been a busy one.  We have had more rain and therefore have more water in the basement : (

DH was able to give me my first shot last night, I am so proud of him.  The injections really upset my stomach, guess that's a no for chilli tonight. I dropped one of my Femara pills and it rolled under the baseboards and I could not reach it last night.  Luckily, CVS is going to give me another one. I have been waiting all day for my HCG injections to arrive via FedEx.


My son accidently chipped my front tooth so I go tomorrow to have it fixed.

I took my old dog Spike to the vet today because of arthritis and found out he has an enlarged heart.  I told him he can't die on me yet, I still need him.  He has been my best friend for 7 years!

Hopefully all this bad luck will lead to a BFP after friday!!!

starting meds

So I took my second dose of Femara for the IUI.  We are scheduled to do the IUI next Friday. Yep, seven days from now, I am so nervous.  When I called to find out when to start my meds, I wanted felt like I could throw up when they gave me the details of the IUI. I am nervous, more than nervous, PETRIFIED!  I just think that it might not work and then what?

Also, my basement flooded this week, which really sucks, because it is where our family room/playroom is located.  The hubs had to rip out carpet and paneling.  I have become a little obsessive about chemicals and odors.  I just keep thinking that the water in my basement probably had a ton of pesticides in it that cause cancer, autism, Parkinson's, etc.


Keep me in your thoughts and prayers this week please!!!

4/18/11 dr appt

So DH and I went to my fertility doc appointment this morning.  We paid a whole lotta money to start the IUI process.  I will start taking the medication as soon as I start my period, which should be in about a week.  DH is very nervous because he says that what if we paid a lot of money and walk away with nothing to show for it.  That will pretty much suck, but what else are we going to do? DH looked queasy when the nurse explained the shots that had to be given in the stomach. So hopefully in a little over a month we will have some good news.  We shall see!

DH dr appt

DH had his appointment with the male fertility specialist last thursday.  Overall, his SA (semen analysis) numbers improved from last time.  The specialist concluded that DH could have varicose surgery with the chances to improve conception.  He explained that it would take about 6 months to see any results from the surgery.  He did not think the surgery would help our odds of NOT miscarrying again.  I see my doc next monday, so hopefully we will be able to do IUI within the next couple months. 

The family took a much needed weekend mini-vacation and I recommend that to all!  It was nice not to think about anything for a whole 3 days!

DH's appointment

Today was my husband's appointment with the Male Infertility Specialist.  He went over the semen analysis results and basically said what we have thought all along:  We could have another child with NO treatments but I will have a high probability of miscarriage.   He brought up the idea of vericoceile (sp?) surgery to remove the vericose veins with DH.  The doctor said that he will go over our treatment options for DH once we have his blood work results and another semen analysis. The highlight of the appointment was watching DH getting his prostate checked, LOL!!!! I joked I was going to post a video of his exam... sick humor, but you gotta get some laughs somewhere!

1/21/11 dr appt

We had our appointment with the specialist to go over the results of husband's sperm analysis, my surgery post op stuff, and my blood test results.  Husbands results stated that he has some issues and they referred him to a urologist that specializes in male infertility.  The good news is that the dr thinks that DH's (dear husband) issues can get a little better.  The specialist just wants some improvement to move on with IUI (inter uterine insemination).  This was even better news because this is a lot cheaper than the IVF that we had previously thought we going to have to get, and a lot less invasive.  DH goes for his appointment in about two weeks, so hopefully we will know more!

My blood work came back normal and I even ovulated on my own , which is really good news.  With my blood work they tested for clotting disorders, my hormone levels, and to see if I had any infections.

So hopefully this summer we will be able to start the process of IUI.... but we shall see!

haters

There is "someone I know" who has expressed some concern about us seeing a specialist about our miscarriages.  This individual feels that by seeking out help to get our son a sibling that it means that we are somehow not thankful about the son that we have.  I know some couples who have not yet had any children despite years of trying.  I feel complete sympathy with those couples and my heart hurts for them. There is not a day goes by that I don't thank God for my son.  I don't want others to think that we are somehow being ungrateful by wanting a sibling for him. 

I have always been really close with my younger brother.  My mom says that I started to ask for a baby brother or sister at around my sons age.  I have so many memories of us doing awesome stuff together like building forts, playing basketball, videogames, flashlight tag, and so on. Of course we fought like cats and dogs,too. As an adult, besides my husband, I consider my brother a best friend.  I talk to him almost every day. 

I asked my brother his opinion if I should pursue fertility treatments or adoption.  I asked him if he ever wished he was an only child and he said that he would have had more toys.  Then he admitted that I provided him with entertainment.  He gave me his blessing and I really appreciate that. 

When I got married to my husband, we agreed that we would like to have around 4-6 children, biological and adopted.  We have agreed that having a large family is something we both value. We also agreed that I would not "prevent pregnancy" by any form of contraceptive. I  have always worked with children, and I have felt that being a mother has been my calling.  I just think I need to take life day by day and not make specific goals.  I feel like my husband and I will do what is right for our family.

Thanks to all : )

I am so excited that some of you have read my blog!   This has been a difficult time for myself, my husband, and my marriage.  I really do have to give credit to Jake for being so strong during all this.  I tend to be really emotional and sometimes overly dramatic.  My first few posts were kinda somber, and I wish I could have found a way to make better entertainment, but it is what it is. ... I have so many things I want to write, I just don't know where to start.  I need to figure out how to add pictures.

Where I am today

My husband I were referred to a specialist after the last M/C.  The specialist had an idea of what was wrong when I arrived.  He suspected Poly Cystic  Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  An ultrasound confirmed that he was correct and two days later was scheduled for surgery.  I had surgery to remove some cysts and polyps on my ovaries.  Also, he told me to eat a low carb, high fiber diet, which is basically the opposite of how I normally eat!  He said to exercise five times a week.  The medications he prescribed include: baby asprin, Glumetza (to stop the cysts from growing), Folgard (vitamin to help with folic acid and vitamin B), and prenatal vitamins.  This stuff is about 200 bucks a month! My husband was tested and he has male factor infertility.  We were told that we should consider IVF if we do not want to miscarry.  They said that due to our issues the rate of miscarriage will be very high. Needless to say, we have a lot to think about!

D&C Procedure

A D&C is a procedure used to "help the miscarriage happen".  With my last miscarriage, a heartbeat was not detected, but my body did not naturally miscarry.  With my other two, I just started bleeding, completely unaware of what was happening.  I was given the option to try to miscarry on my own with the last one, and I waited a week and nothing happened.  I chose to go ahead with the D&C since it was right before Christmas.  I will say that both are not horribly physically painful.  The worst part is the emotional stuff.  Keep in mind that the body goes from pregnant to not pregnant pretty quickly.   I felt "sad" for about 2 months, and I mean REALLY sad.  It is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy. 

What to say....

I have found that it is very uncomfortable for those around me to think of something to say when they have found out about a miscarriage.  I must admit, before I had experienced one firsthand I too did not know how to address it.  Okay, lets start by a simple " I am so sorry that this happened to your and your husband."  Secondly, offer to make a meal and drop it by.  The last thing I wanted to do after a D&C was make dinner!  Most of all, just give a hug and say that you are there are there if needed.  My advice: do not ramble, because that is when insensitive things are said!

Purpose and Background for this Blog

My name is Stacy.   The reason I am writing this is to share my experiences of motherhood, miscarriage, and infertility.  I have had three miscarriages within the past 3 years, but  I also have a two year old son. I would like to shine some light on the topic that is not really talked about. Miscarriage happens in roughly 1 out of 4 pregnancies, however recurrent miscarriages are not so common.   The second reason I am blogging is to offer support to those going through, having had, or loved ones of those with miscarriage and/or fertility issues.Lastly, I would just like to document my journey of finding answers  and moving forward.